DEAR ABBY: My dear friend “Lana” and her husband both passed away a while back. Recently, my son confided that he and Lana’s daughter had an affair years ago that resulted in a child. We all grew up close and regarded ourselves as related even though we were not. Lana’s daughter married someone and passed the child off as her husband’s. I never noticed how much that young man resembles my son before. I always called him one of my grandsons in an unofficial capacity. He is grown and married now.
Since I learned that he is my biological grandson, I have ached to acknowledge our relationship. But I don’t want to rock the boat and disrupt the family dynamic, let alone break my son’s trust. Should I take this secret to my grave? After all, he already calls me “Nana.” — REAL TRUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR REAL TRUTH: Do nothing without first talking about this with your son. Because of the popularity of DNA testing in recent years, your grandson may find out on his own that the man he was raised to believe is his father is not. This kind of revelation can be devastating to some individuals. The news would be better coming from your son than from you.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years works six days a week with Sundays off. For the last six weeks, my calls have gone unanswered from Saturday evening through Monday morning. He’d provide a lame excuse, apologize for the “missed” calls, and the next weekend, the same thing would happen. Long story short, he was spending time in a drug house on the weekends. He ignored my calls because he didn’t want me to know what he was doing. He says it’s “no big deal,” he isn’t doing it anymore and we should move forward as if this never happened.
My issue is, I no longer trust him or his judgment because I never imagined he’d do anything like this. Since he has, I no longer feel like I know him. What he did was deceitful and extremely selfish. Now he says I’m throwing away our relationship because “he made a mistake.” To me, it isn’t a mistake if you repeat the behavior over and over. He chose to do drugs, hide it and ignore me, and he didn’t care about anything or anyone but himself.
Now I know, and I am not accepting the behavior. I believe he will do it again, so I’m separating myself from him until he can show me he’s no longer doing those things. As for now, we are done. His words are meaningless. I’m not accepting his guilt trip that I’m ending this over nothing. Am I doing the right thing? — TAKING A BREAK IN TEXAS
DEAR TAKING: Yes! A thousand times yes. Knowing he spent six weekends in a drug house makes me wonder if he was also involved in sexual activities. (Please have yourself tested.) Your boyfriend lied and disrespected you. He likes getting high and enjoys the company of people who break the law. You are doing yourself a huge favor by getting rid of him. Make it permanent. Bravo for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
