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I refuse to go to the restaurant my father-in-law chose because of politics.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law and I are of different patterns. We are political opposites, although we generally get along well. On a family vacation (we were visiting them), we went out to dinner. My wife and I knew she was taking us to a restaurant that we both have ethical issues with. I handed him a 10% off coupon for another nearby restaurant and said, “Here’s another option for dinner.”

When he responded that he thought we would go to first place, I said, “I’m sorry. I have some moral problems and will not eat there. Is there somewhere else we can go? Then she burst out and said things to me like, “If you don’t pay, what difference does it make?” and “Since you are our guest, it is rude for you to refuse.” My wife agreed that she was out of line. What do you think? Was he rude of us as guests? Or was it rude of him as host to not accommodate us? — DO NOT GO THERE IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NOT GOING: You have a loyal and loving wife. However, a more honest and less biased spouse would have pointed out (privately) that his manners were atrocious. A gracious guest accepts the hospitality offered by their host rather than attempting to turn the occasion into a display of cancel culture. You owe your father-in-law an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and are both handling separate cancer diagnoses. This makes our finances difficult to predict in case one of us needs expensive medications. We did a good job saving for retirement and lived comfortably.

Our adult daughter contracted Lyme disease 10 years ago and became very sick. She endured years of painful treatments, which were not covered by her insurance, during which her husband divorced her. We stepped in to help with her medical bills. While Lyme is no longer detectable in her system, some of her symptoms have never completely gone away. She is now undergoing more tests to detect a hormonal imbalance.

My husband is angry because we are still paying some of his medical bills. (She works, she has insurance and pays what she can). We can afford to help her and I don’t understand why her father doesn’t want to help her anymore. We have argued about this many times over the years and I am frustrated with the situation. I’m not willing to give it up like so many others have done. What can I say to her the next time she confronts me about paying her medical bills? — DEDICATED IN OREGON

DEAR DEVOTE: Maybe it’s time to stop arguing with your husband about this. Her adult daughter works and has health insurance. Both you and her husband are medically fragile. While I understand your desire to protect your daughter, you should not supplement her income if it threatens her access to medications she may need in the future.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact our dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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