Silence. . . sweet charlotte
I live in this city. I’m used to empty buses, endless bikes, motorcycle deliveries, big trucks, heavy traffic, street vendors, protests, runners, scammers, garbage, scaffolding, street vendors, school problems , rats, cockroaches, creative politicians, high taxes, low taxes. cleanliness, empty stores, stolen stores, expensive food, zero parking, inability to cross town, immigrants, interesting assistants to the mayor and lack of security.
However, despite popular belief, I have a friend. Born, educated, raised, working, living, family, dating, speaking, accent definitely developed in New York.
For him, breakfast is a bagel, dessert is a cheesecake, dinner is a slice, and transportation means the subway.
Consider traveling abroad in Newark.
You recently entered a foreign place. Charlotte. She is in a state called North Carolina. Culture shock. Despite returning here, where the cost is as high as an elephant’s eye, she is still recovering.
Him: “Breakfast was at a place called Famous Toastery. No utensils. When I was asked for the luxury of a fork and knife, I was given plastic utensils. The big dinners were the fingers.”
Did you ask what to do in this city? Answer: “We have many breweries!”
Then: “Anything else? It’s hard to drink beer all day.” Answer: “You can visit the NASCAR Hall of Fame.”
He went to Starbucks. He watched people take their orders and leave, but there was nowhere to order. Approaching the counter, he asked, “Can I order a coffee?” They told him, “You have to use our app.”
Rain, snow, foreigners arriving from civilization, you have to crawl outside and download the application. Place your order for “a large iced black coffee, please” online.
Something mysterious then responded in print: “Your order will be ready in 15 minutes.”
It arrived, but the wrong size.
The breakfast at Ruby Sunshine featured a young man in a “Batman” cape.
The big plate? “Blackstone eggs.” Poached eggs on bacon biscuit drizzled with hollandaise sauce. However, local residents sprayed hollandaise even on old shoes.
Evening. Tupelo Honey Restaurant. Inside brighter than a supermarket. My friend ate outside.
Music was blaring from the house’s speaker, a street guitarist was still playing, cars hummed with loud music. The appetizers were fried this, fried that. It took 20 minutes to prepare a cocktail.
Driven to drink
Pinot noir to accompany dinner? No. The waitress offered a lesson on North Carolina state law:
“Under current rules and regulations, establishments cannot offer more than one mixed drink at a time to a customer. However, you can get two beers or wines at a time, but no more than two at a time.”
It’s a state where you can carry a gun with you, but you can’t sip your gin and tonic while ordering pinot.
home Sweet Home
Needing a taste of New York’s pleasant vice, mice and street rice, he flew home the next day. Enough about Charlotte, Gloria, Mary or whoever was there.
But DON’T mess with me. I’m sure it’s a lovely place. We’re just used to the price and, perhaps soon, the New York dice.
