DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, “Allie,” (whom I’ve raised as my own since she was 2), has banned my 39-year-old daughter’s 19-year-old girlfriend “Taylor” from coming to her house for the holidays. She dislikes that Taylor is 20 years younger than her sister. Because of this, I decided to celebrate the holidays at my house instead of hers.
My husband had a massive stroke four years ago, and it is difficult for him to spend much time away from home. Because Taylor would be there, Allie decided not to be present. She hung up on both of us when we tried to discuss the situation with her, and we haven’t spoken to her since.
My sister-in-law told my husband we need to reach out to Allie so we “have no regrets.” We declined because Allie has always been a diva who lies and manipulates to get her way. How should this be handled? At this point, I want to say I’m done because I don’t feel we should be the ones to apologize. — WELCOMING IN LOUISIANA
DEAR WELCOMING: Ask yourself this, and answer the question honestly: If Allie were hit by a truck tomorrow, would you regret that you hadn’t reached out to her? If the answer is no, stand pat. If the answer is yes, continue inviting her to holiday events and give her the opportunity to grow up and be gracious. The choice is yours; it shouldn’t be your sister-in-law’s, whose business this isn’t.
DEAR ABBY: My husband left me and moved another woman in with him in our second home. We had been married for 37 years. He said we had drifted apart and that he did not love me anymore.
For almost two years, I have been working on my issues, but I held out hope that we could work on a reconciliation. We are friendly, but he isn’t interested in reconciling. He also says he does not want a divorce and prefers to continue being separated. As I have grown used to being alone, I have started thinking more about divorcing him, even though it would have a financial impact on me. I did talk with a counselor in the past, but I feel stuck where I am. Should I stay separated or divorce? — IN LIMBO IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR IN LIMBO: No one can make that decision for you. However, I have a suggestion that may help you make some important decisions about your future. Make an appointment with an attorney who specializes in divorce law and discuss what the financial fallout would be if you divorced your absent husband. The negative impact could be less than you fear. However, if it is not, then return to your therapist, continue working on your issues and ask for help in figuring out what would be the healthier choice for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
