DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is living with us, and she and my husband are very good friends. They are a lot alike. They’re outgoing and they’re huggers and they talk a lot. I feel like a third wheel most of the time, but I occupy myself by reading in another part of the house or going out.
Everything seems to be going quite well, except that before bedtime, they embrace and give each other a quick kiss on the lips. I find it disgusting. I have told my husband how I feel about it, and he says, “It’s my mom.” I tell him, “I never even hugged my dad, let alone kissed him on the lips.” I think I’m tired of her living with us. Do you think it’s normal for them to be kissing? — PUT OFF IN OREGON
DEAR PUT OFF: Whether I think it is appropriate for your husband’s mother to kiss him on the mouth is irrelevant. I assume this is something she has done since he was a child, and therefore it is normal for them. Your relationship with your father has nothing to do with it. There is something wrong if you feel like a third wheel most of the time. It isn’t healthy, and it will continue until you have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband about it.
DEAR ABBY: My godchildren and I were always very close. They consider me literally their second mom. Until now, we were blessed with great communication. The oldest always sent me a warm Mother’s Day greeting and called me often.
About a year ago, she started ignoring all of my overtures. Her younger sister, who is also grown with children, commented on how odd it was, but now she’s doing it too. She said she thought it was terrible, but now she no longer returns phone calls. Once in a while, she’ll send a loving text, but she says she is busy.
My godson, the one I am closest to, has no problems like this. When I ask if he thinks something is wrong with my girls or if their feelings toward me have changed, he says they are probably busy. When I ask the younger one if something is wrong, she always says, “No, love you, Mama! Been busy.” But she no longer initiates contact. The older girl now ignores me completely. I don’t know what to do. My grown godchildren are like my own. Please help. — SAD GODMOTHER IN FLORIDA
DEAR GODMOTHER: You are taking the silence as rejection, which is a mistake. Your godchildren are no longer children. They are adults with adult responsibilities, including children, spouses and careers that fill their time. Your godson and younger goddaughter have told you why they’re not in contact as often as they used to be. It’s time to back off. Fill your time with other pursuits, such as activities you enjoy, time with contemporaries and volunteering your spare time to causes you feel are worthwhile.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
