DEAR ABBY: As I approach my mid-30s, many friends have paired off and gotten married. How do I manage friendships in which I’m close with one friend but don’t enjoy spending time with their new spouse? While they are not overtly offensive, they’re just not fun to socialize with.
Should I slowly pull away from the relationship over a couple of years, or do I confront my friend about the issue of not wanting to spend time with their significant other? It seems abrasive to say, “I don’t like hanging out with your husband.” Any advice on how to navigate this sticky situation would be appreciated. — KNEW THEM WHEN
DEAR KNEW THEM: Women navigate these sticky situations by getting together for “girls lunches,” spa days (if it’s in the budget) and exercise. I do not recommend telling a newlywed her husband isn’t fun to socialize with, because not only will it not be well received, it’s also guaranteed to get you stricken from their guest list.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is soon to have his first book published. We have both waited a long time for this moment and are thrilled that he’ll finally have this achievement under his belt.
While I never had any real expectation about a possible dedication, I thought I might get a short mention. Instead, the dedication went to someone he didn’t know personally, and I was completely left out. His co-author took the opportunity to acknowledge their spouse in addition to other people, and now I am sad that he wouldn’t acknowledge my support.
I’m not sure if I should say anything to him about it. If I do and he changes the dedication, it won’t really be from him. If I wait, I will continue to feel slighted. He is a dedicated husband and supports me in everything I do, so is this a big deal just because I feel like it is? What to do, if anything? — UNACKNOWLEDGED IN THE EAST
DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: I am sure your husband had his reasons for dedicating the book the way he did. Because this is a big deal for you, point out the effect the omission has had on you. Communication is important in healthy marriages, and if you stuff this, it will continue to fester.
DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I began seeing a male friend. He’s involved with my close female friend, but she treats him like garbage. I’ve witnessed it myself. I’m not sorry for dating him; she deserves to be alone. They have no children. I’m not trying to be foolish about this situation. Do you think I’m a terrible person? — IT’S COMPLICATED
DEAR COMPLICATED: No, but your soon-to-be former friend will as soon as the news reaches her. And if you think she treats her fella like garbage, batten down the hatches — because a load of it is coming your way.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
