DEAR ABBY: I started a new job a year and a half ago. It’s in a small office. My boss and I are the only employees. I enjoy the job very much, but there’s an aspect of it that has really started to wear on me. Increasingly, my boss has been asking me to take care of personal tasks for him that are unrelated to the business.
I understand that he has no one else to rely on, but it shouldn’t be my problem. I’m a single mom with two kids, and I already have enough on my plate.
The final straw was when I asked for the day off to spend with my entire family, and he asked me to pick up his pets in the afternoon (to save him the cost of having them boarded overnight) and give him a ride home from the airport at 9:30 p.m. I had to leave my family gathering to do this.
Part of me knows it wasn’t fair of him to ask for these things. I don’t want to lie and say I can’t, but “I don’t want to” seems petty. I have enough trouble running my own household without helping out with another. How do I say this without losing my job? — NO WORK-WIFE IN IDAHO
DEAR NO WORK-WIFE: For your boss to expect you to run errands for him without being compensated is taking advantage of you. The first thing I would do if I were in your shoes would be to start exploring the job market in your community. Then, if I found anything that suited my particular skills, I would have a talk with my boss and explain that I have responsibilities after working hours that make it difficult to comply with his requests.
If he values what you contribute to his business, he may figure out another way to get his errands run. However, if he doesn’t, you will have another job lined up.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has cancer that has metastasized, and my family is now expecting me to talk to her. We haven’t had a relationship in nine years, ever since she moved out of state with her boyfriend. Abby, our relationship has been toxic ever since she found out she was pregnant with me almost 35 years ago. My family expects me to put out a “fire” I didn’t start, just because she is sick. The last time she was in town, I held her accountable for the choices she’s made, and she exploded. She screamed, cussed at me, and disrespected me in my home.
Am I cruel for standing my ground and refusing to be mistreated by her? Must I please my family and succumb to their pressure to surrender my peace? What if my mother survives only to abuse me again? — VICTIMIZED IN OHIO
DEAR VICTIMIZED: Your mother’s illness is terminal. What you must decide is whether you would like to make peace with her for yourself, NOT because relatives are pressuring you into it.
If the answer to that question is no, tell these well-meaning relatives that because of the abuse you suffered at her hands from the time you were little, you feel you lost your mother years ago, and you are not comfortable contacting her now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
