Smoothing the way to old age
Enough canonizing footballer Kelce whose last game’s fame could lead to the men’s room. His future position may be only at the singer’s feet — or wherever she places him.
More things I’m cranky about. I am not casting aspersions. Not even casting surgeons. I just say that today’s grampas are into versions.
Forget Dolly Parton’s face doctor. Fie on Jane Fonda’s uplift. We speak never of the remote possibility of Tom Cruise jumping off his usual moving train with 62-year-old legs and 11-year-old cheeks.
Gents today wear earrings, bracelets, rings, pins, hairpieces, furs, pretty coats, frilly shirts, silly tees, heels, feathered hats, untucked blouses, designer drawers, fancy jackets, girdles. They got long hair. They make passes at you with your own wardrobe.
What next? False eyelashes? They can have mine.
Problem is romance. You can no longer tell if a guy’s happy, excited. How can you know if certain parts of him will move but his face won’t.
Big surgery is the diminishing of male boobs. He-men don’t want to fit a sweater like Kim Kardashian. Plastic surgery’s Dr. David Shokrian says liposuction procedure restores a flatter chest.
Little enhancements might include Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig, George Clooney, Alec Baldwin, John Travolta.
Wayne Newton’s been through the supermarket — face-lift, eye lift, neck lift, rhinoplasty, Botox. Left only is a cleft in a navel redo.
For an athletic look with increased muscle definition in the abdomen and chest so you can pick her up before, after or even during, there’s body contouring and high-def liposuction. I don’t know what’s an athletic look, but this supposedly achieves it.
Jawline augmentation uses noninvasive fillers — just like your girlfriend gets.
Next it’s eyelid surgery. Should your lids droop she’ll wonder if anything else droops.
Tightening your eyelids is so you now see what you’re doing. Add some Botox.
Just don’t schedule his-hers appointments on same day. Smacking into one another bandaged might kill any future high-point.
For a religious audience
I’ve already reported on “The Chosen: Last Supper,” filmdom’s historical phenomenon supposedly seen through eyes of those who knew Jesus.
I have interviewed Jonathan Roumie who plays Jesus of Nazareth, I have been to Israel, I have been to Nazareth, I have been to Bethlehem — and here’s what’s what:
In the film, Israel welcomes Jesus. Disciples anticipate his crowning. But instead of confronting Rome, he turns on the Jewish religious and political leaders.
As I’ve reported earlier, this movie Jesus met me wearing a very irreligious black leather short sport jacket with silver zippers, pull tabs, decor and trim. Perfect for Bushwick.
He’d just met with Cardinal Dolan who had selected other wardrobe and later told me their conversation.
His Eminence: “I asked what’s it like to make him think he’s Jesus since we’re all supposed to act like Jesus. And he remembered his days in Catholic school.”
I personally think he got his jacket on sale — at what used to be St. Lord & Taylor.
The panhandler asked for a quarter. The passerby said he had no change but would be glad to stand him to breakfast. Panhandler: “Pal, I’ve already had three breakfasts. What I need now is money.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
