So, it’s been awhile since you last saw the 2003 Christmas classic, “Love Actually” — fine for kids, right?
Then, that first, hilarious scene featuring two body doubles going through the motions — and rather graphically at that — flashes onscreen.
Don’t change the channel, urges sexpert Debbie Bere — watching a younger Martin Freeman and co-star Joanna Page muddle through a succession of awkward moments together presents the perfect opportunity for parents to educate children about consent.
In the Richard Curtis-directed film, which memorably featured an ensemble cast including Hugh Grant as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Bill Nighy as washed up rocker Billy Mack and Colin Firth as a cuckolded husband, Judy (Page) and John (Freeman) are professional stand-ins who get to know each other while running sex scenes for the cameras, asking permission every grope of the way.
Bere, 34, who previously has spoken about the rise in easily-accessible pornography and a corresponding rise in sexual violence such as choking, said that these comparatively wholesome moments are a good way to get your kids talking about the subject, according to SWNS.
“This time of year is great for conversations about sex — you’re with your children for two weeks in an intense space,” said Bere, who is based out of Devon, England.
“You’re probably watching Christmas movies — and so many of them have awkward sex scenes in them.
“This is where you could ask them things like, ‘have you seen porn before?’ and ‘have your friends spoken much about it?’ — in a very conversational way, not shouting at them,” she said.
“You could even offer to pay for certain, safe platforms, if they’re curious.”
Mainstream porn can be “dangerous,” Bere warns — and the widely-available content, she insists, is not useful as a teaching tool for those interested in helping their kids develop a healthy relationship with sex.
“There are two sides of the coin,” Bere said. “Free porn is a fantasy world, and it’s unhealthy for children to learn about sex by watching it.”
“The types of porn you see on free websites — they usually only show one body type. Six packs, zero pubic hair, large penises,” she said.
“You don’t see people using lube — you don’t see conversations about consent.”
“There are certain acts which are presented as ‘standard’ sexual practice, but in the real world, you’d need to have conversations about prep and consent.
“In regular films, directors cut and check in with the actors — it’s the same in mainstream porn.
“Actors will stop and chat and have a drink, they’ll check in with each other and ask about safewords. But you don’t see that.”
“I often tell my students — you wouldn’t learn to drive by watching ‘Fast and Furious’ — don’t learn about sex through porn films.”
Children with unfettered access to pornography growing up will get the wrong idea about body image and boundaries in the bedroom, Bere claims.
In the United Kingdom, 79% of children under the age of 18 have accessed violent pornography, according to a survey by the Children’s Commissioner.
In the United States, Common Sense Media reports that roughly 73% of teens have confessed to viewing any kind of pornography.
These statistics could explain the rise in choking during sex, Bere says.
“In the — mostly heterosexual — dating scene, men are choking women because that’s what they’ve seen in porn. And it shouldn’t be a given,” she warns.
Meanwhile, “Love Actually” has itself hardly been immune from criticism over the years, with director Richard Curtis very recently expressing regret regarding the so called Keira Knightley “stalker scene,” as well as repeated fat jokes made at actress Martine MacCutcheon’s expense.
