As the pastel banner above the nearly stale motivational cookie cake in the pantry proclaims, teamwork makes the dream work.
Post-pandemic, boomers, millennials, and Gen Z alike are back in the workplace, tasked with adapting to a new kind of office etiquette.
From oversharing to unsettling stares, intercourse between coworkers and silent resignation, pay cuts and difficulty disconnecting, it’s a struggle here, friends.
Because most of us spend a third of our earthly hours working with and for others, we repeatedly face the trials and tribulations of interpersonal dynamics.
With a challenging mix of ages, attitudes, and agendas to navigate, we offer you a helpful guide to the work style of each member of the zodiac.
Continue reading to learn more.
They are not yelling at you, they are emphasizing.
Aries doesn’t do anything at a reasonable pace or at a lukewarm temperature, not even writing, expressing themselves, or clawing their way to the top.
The beautiful and terrible thing about their ilk is that they are compulsively honest, which makes it unlikely that they will talk shit behind your back. They are also experts at giving a pep talk or leading a charge. Aries is the sign that disregards history, so even if you’ve had what seems like a conflict with them, you can rest assured that they’ve burned the ethanol of those differences.
Example of an Aries office: IRL Aries Alec ‘coffee is for closers’ Baldwin as Blake in “Glengarry Glen Ross.”
Taurus rules the second house of values and valuables. A sure way to make them resentful is to criticize their approach or micromanage their time. Slow to warm to strangers or slackers, they have a tendency to push themselves beyond the limits of what is expected and then hold others to a similar standard.
When given a position of power or authority, they can really turn the idiot into a dictator. While they seem trustworthy, they are actually bad at breakups, resistant to change, and poor when it comes to self-expression.
If you’re wondering if they’re still mad about what you said that time, THEY ARE.
As an earth sign ruled by Venus, Taurus is calmed by beauty. To function they need a lot of natural light, plants and snacks. As such, they can always, always be offered a luxurious lunch, a succulent and formal apology.
Ruled by the trickster planet Mercury, Gemini is the undisputed salesman of the zodiac. Whether they trumpet stocks, strategies, or schemes, they love to exchange information and have been known to lap up spilled tea like a thirsty housewife. If you want to spread a rumor, attend a party, or take a refreshing break from the crushing monotony of your workday, this is your guy. Dynamic at best and scattered at worst, they are prone to outbursts, oversharing, and switching allegiances.
A word of warning, if you have a Gemini boss: don’t exhaust yourself trying to please him, as his ever-changing needs will likely render your efforts useless every 60 to 90 minutes.
Ruled by the capricious moon, Cancer is, in a word, temperamental. Emotionally intelligent, they love to be asked for advice, personal or professional. If given the opportunity, they can be true shepherds of dreams. As a sign of root systems, they are designed to invest in the work they do and the people they do it for. Tough but tender, safety is sacred to them.
If you have a Cancer boss, chances are they’ve risen through the ranks wearing protective armor that divides their soft self from the world at large. Rest assured, this tough exterior masks a soft and spiteful center.
Don’t forget his birthday, your place, or any tiny kindness he’s shown you: the crab remembers.
Coincidentally, Jordan “The Wolf of Wallstreet” Belfort and “Office Space’s” Milton ‘give me my stapler or I’ll burn this building to the ground.’ Waddams are both Cancers and most natives oscillate between these extremes.
Just as plant life dies without the sun, Leo withers without worship. If you can meet his quota of praise for his performance and listen carefully and silently to his daily self-aggrandizement soliloquy, you will have a very loyal lion.
Giving a PowerPoint presentation is almost erotic for them; Sending flowers to oneself at the workplace is a preferred option.
Intolerant of petty gossip and always a defender of the underdog, Leos truly shine when advocating for others, whether pushing for a promotion or elevating a teammate’s contribution. Always wanting life to be a celebration and work to feel familiar, this is the person who brings cake, hosts get-to-know-you happy hours, and takes the new employee to lunch, partly to be nice but mostly to curry favor.
As mutable earth and ruler of the sixth house of service and daily rituals, Virgo identifies with its sacred routine more than other signs. Detail-oriented and deeply interested in being the smartest trucker mom in the room, they don’t want praise: they want you to integrate their well-chosen notes to improve.
While their methods may seem extreme (measuring shelf space to ensure fairness in employees’ refrigerators, labeling allergens in the pantry), every list they make and action they take is for the overall benefit of the collective. They pretend to hate, but secretly enjoy office gossip and don’t respond well to criticism.
They would rather quit than settle.
Libra loves to wear skirts, rise through the ranks, and succeed through irrefutable charm, rather than hard work. Whether weighing a moral dilemma or deciding between a salad or a wrap, it bodes well not to rush the process. Because they struggle with decision-making and conflict resolution, they can appear passive-aggressive, viewing any threat to the status quo as a red flag and every change agent or suggestion as suspicious.
Unlike all Aries, you’re never really sure where you stand with Libra. Your tendency to play nice translates into a tendency to play favorites at work. Libras thrive when their social skills can be used in team dynamics. They are here to harmonize, personalize, smooth and evaluate, NOT to lead, affirm, hire or fire.
As the most powerful sign of the zodiac, a Scorpio is not to be screwed over in the workplace. They’re not here to talk about his dog or hear about his vacation plans. They are here to strive and kill.
Better suited to independent hiring than team building, Scorpio is born anticipating betrayal, so the fewer people he has to work with, the better. They may smell something like a fishbone in the garbage disposal; The best way to approach and appreciate them is with sincere humility and excruciating attention to detail.
Scorpios do best in roles where they are able to pull the strings and avoid the spotlight; It allows them maximum power and limited responsibility. This is VP in a three-piece suit, folks.
Sagittarius is the irrefutable office optimist, akin to a martini at lunch, a sign-on bonus, and an open window in the workplace. Open to collaboration and always believing that anything is possible, Sag people resist the tyranny of a busy schedule and do best in free-form environments where their innovations can find a home. Beyond the fine print, archers benefit from associating with people who let them dream the dream, while insisting that they deliver.
Capricorn is similar to a pair of suspenders, dressed for success, holding you together and holding everything up a little higher. Armed with ambition and a sly sense of humor, Capricorn knows how to play. Efficient and aspirational, they have no time for niceties, petty gossip, or an out-of-office lunch. Capricorns pride themselves on their ability to succeed without help or praise. To a Cap, anything worth doing is worth doing well, and he’s unlikely to get by with less or tolerate half the efforts of others.
If you try to replicate their work ethic, you will fall short, get sick, or drop dead.
Astrology 101: your guide to the star
Rulers of the 11th house of community, connectedness, and utopian ideals, Aquarius people are likely to be transparent about how much money they make. If you catch them between cycles of dissociation, they will likely help you get ahead, get a raise, and get to where you’ve always dreamed. Plus, water bearers have approximately zero interest in getting to know you outside of the workplace, so spare them the invitation to happy hour.
Weak-willed and prone to fantasy and distraction, Pisces people perform best in roles that require imagination, adaptation, and regular changes of scenery. Great at facilitating team-building exercises like trust falls, wilderness retreats, and risky drinking games, Pisces is motivated to take action when he wants to sleep with his boss or knows full well that he’s getting ready to quit and needs a reference.
They are more effective than they seem and are best left alone, sending elves to do their bidding. He voted most likely to throw up at the party and “accidentally” send a nude to the office Slack channel.
Astrologer Reda Wigle Irreverently investigates and reports on planetary configurations and their effect on each sign of the zodiac. His horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as having extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love of dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girl’s guide” to strip clubs, and the “weirdest” foods available abroad .
