The assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump on Saturday was an emotionally jarring moment for America — including the nation’s children.
Of course, kids don’t fully follow or understand the complex and often vicious circumstances leading up to such horrific events and the death of a volunteer fire chief in Butler, Pennsylvania. In the past two days, many little ones have likely asked their parents an incredibly challenging one-word question:
“Why?”
“Oftentimes, parents don’t have an answer,” NYU Langone clinical child psychologist Yamalis Diaz, Ph.D., told The Post.
Admittedly, Diaz, a clinical associate professor, said that explaining a traumatic event to little ones is no easy task. However, there is a proper way to go about it — and that begins with the “ingredients” a parent puts into their response more than just the words used.
“You start with validation about the emotions they feel or what they’re really getting at. You provide some basic information and explanation that they can wrap their mind around, and then you reassure safety,” she said.
“If you just keep looping around and around in that, using those ingredients and that sort of formula, you’re usually going to do a really nice job being able to connect with your child.”
How to ‘reassure safety’
Similar to what many young millennials questioned in the aftermath of Sept. 11, 2001, kids now are asking hard questions — not only why the former president was shot but how it could even happen to begin with.
Diaz suggests beginning with a simple yet meaningful phrase that will resonate with young children:
“Sometimes people do bad things, and that’s the reason we have police and jails.”
From there, letting a child know that they’re protected is critical.
Diaz stresses this message: “You know we’re safe here, right? Scary things don’t happen every day. But sometimes scary things happen. But the good news is you’re safe. Everything’s OK.”
She added that kids can have a hard time comprehending how such a traumatic event is even possible in spite of security — and that it is often a warning sign of their anxiety.
Without going into detail on apparent failures of the Secret Service, it’s important to “validate the child’s feeling, not just the question.”
Diaz suggests vocalizing that the circumstances do feel scary and restating the child’s question to help create a more quality, age-appropriate response.
She advises explaining that “sometimes people can get around some of the things that are there to keep us safe. Sometimes people find ways to do bad things.”
But it’s also critical to reiterate how many times police have kept people safe and that the track record of good heavily outweighs the bad. Afterward, it can become an open moment to listen to your child.
“I think it’s really important for parents to be able to say, ‘Sometimes you might see or hear things that are really scary and you might not know what to do or what. I am always here to talk if you want to ask me more questions or if you’re having big feelings about it.’”
Keep politics out of it
Parents need to set their feelings on Trump aside when addressing the weekend’s events, stressed Diaz.
“We’re trying to make their emotions smaller — less, less intense,” she said. “Don’t pour into it. That’s the wrong thing to do.”
Diaz said pushing views or theories on the event can accidentally ignite “a little internal fire.”
“Suddenly, they’re scared to walk to camp or, you know, they’re watching the news with big eyes,” she explained, intensely focusing on the issues.
“It’s the exact opposite of what we want to do.”
Do not let them watch or get sucked into it
Watching what unfurled in Pennsylvania is one of the worst things a child can see. Kids fervently following subsequent news stories can be quite harmful as well, said Diaz.
While all children are prone to overwhelming feelings in such situations, many are “predisposed or just at risk of developing anxiety, having a more traumatic reaction.
“You want to think of them kind of like having a magnetized brain and things are just going to stick. The more you give to stick to this brain, the worse it’s going to be.”
Parents should limit media exposure and stay mindful if young kids are suddenly getting hooked on watching news or related social media content, advised Diaz.
What if you’re scared, too?
Diaz cautions to be careful that children can’t see or read your expression when speaking to other adults about what happened.
“Kids pick up emotion in the air — it’s almost like they sense it. And as soon as they sense something has changed in the temperature, their brains tend to tune in.”
However, letting a child see you in a raw, emotional state can be fine — if done properly by narrating your reaction.
“If you suddenly start crying, say something like, ‘Buddy, this is a question that I’m struggling with, too. I don’t know how they got around it. It’s pretty scary for me, too,’” Diaz explained.
Talking to teens
For those old enough to have a loose grasp on why Trump was targeted, it can become a strong moment for parents to connect with their adolescents and a chance to “participate in shaping their thought process,” Diaz said.
“With teenagers, one of the additional best things that you can do is ask a lot more questions: ‘What do you think about what just happened? How do you interpret it? Why do you think people do these kinds of things?’” said Diaz.
“You’re getting them to be able to talk through their thoughts and feelings, which gives you an opportunity to, No. 1, validate and reflect their perspective.”
Parents then have the chance to “correct any misunderstandings, to maybe massage some of the way they’re seeing it.”
When it may be time for professional help
If a child has internalized what happened too far, that will be evident looking at their behavior about a month or more from now, said Diaz.
If at that point it is still “a primary topic of conversation,” that is a warning sign that a child may need to seek professional assistance.
Other warning signs include negative changes in behavior, like more tantrums, oppositional positions, and argumentative and irritable actions.
“If it’s not behavior, usually they’re having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or suddenly wanting to sleep with you. They wake up having nightmares,” continued Diaz.
“That is often where kids manifest anxiety in the most sort of obvious way.”
