DEAR ABBY: Recently, I have been diagnosed with a type of blood cancer with a life expectancy of two to eight years. My question is, how do I let people know? I have told a few close friends and asked them not to tell others until I get a few things settled. I have also told them if others comment about my weight loss (I’ve lost about 20 pounds) that I’m OK with letting them know. I’m not sure a blast email or text would be the way to do it. Looking for suggestions. — UNSURE IN ARIZONA
DEAR UNSURE: I’m sorry you received bad news. A diagnosis of cancer has serious implications, even if it doesn’t involve an expiration date. I agree a mass email blast wouldn’t be the best way to deliver this news. If someone comments on your weight loss, explain about your diagnosis. Do not ask anyone else to keep it to themselves, and word will trickle out. Of course, your family and closest friends should be told by you so they won’t hear about it secondhand.
DEAR ABBY: I did some investigating and recently found out my husband of 28 years has been corresponding with other women. This is the second time I have caught him. He’s sworn that nothing ever developed out of it, but I can’t help but wonder how far it would’ve gone had I not discovered it.
Should I walk away and start over, or stay in this marriage not knowing if I can stand another betrayal? Our sons are in their 30s, and we have no grandchildren yet. — MARRIED TO A CHEATER
DEAR MARRIED: I wish you had been more specific about what your husband and these women were writing about. If it was sexual in nature, I can understand your concern. Has he met either of them in person? If the answer is no, then it may be a bit dramatic to accuse him of betrayal. Rather than walk away, tell him you think it’s time for marriage counseling, and then ask your doctor for a referral for the both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 60 and retired. My adult children and grandchildren live in the same city as I do. I want to move somewhere with fewer people, preferably a cabin, probably in another state. I feel extremely guilty at the thought of leaving my family, but at the same time I don’t want to regret not finding my little patch of peace and quiet. I spent 25 years in law enforcement and really prefer solitude. I hope you can give me some advice. — SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO
DEAR SHOULD I STAY: Please put down that burden of guilt. After 25 years taking care of others, you have earned the right to do what you need to for yourself. Explain to your adult children that after 25 years in a high-adrenaline profession (to put it mildly), you need quiet and solitude and to decompress. You won’t be out of their lives forever; they can travel to visit you and bring along the grandkids, or you can visit them a couple of times a year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
