You’ll be dying to read this.
A Texas man penned a laugh-out-loud obituary for his late father, letting the public know that he is “God’s problem now.”
Charles Boehm of Houston, Texas, recalled the life of 74-year-old Robert Boehm in the most unconventional, hilarious ways with a candid telling of who his dad really was.
However, it was not out of disrespect, the 41-year-old said.
Instead, it was a more honest tribute to the man who raised him — and a chance for his small town of Clarendon, Texas, to laugh once more with the beloved fellow resident.
“Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over ‘some stupid bleeping thing’ and hitting his head on the floor,” the obituary began.
Boehm then recapped his dad’s life from start to finish, saying that on his 1950 birth, “God immediately and thankfully broke the mold and attempted to cover up the evidence.”
His son then recalled the special days when Robert became a father to his four children.
“Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) fast enough to just barely miss getting drafted into the Vietnam War by fathering Michelle, John, and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972,” the obituary read.
“Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983.”
Charles also recalled that his father, who worked as a “semi-professional truck driver — not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver,” had a penchant for collecting antique weaponry, as well as harmonicas.
The latter caused “his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbors, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents,” Charles lamented.
In addition, Robert’s late-life hobby of shooting guns led him “to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions.”
Charles’ mother and Robert’s wife, Dianne, had passed away in February. The loss was jokingly framed as “God finally showed mercy upon” her so that she could get “the heck out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet,” their son wrote.
“Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas.”
“We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert’s antics up to this point, but he is God’s problem now.”
The humor-filled obituary went viral, catching significant attention online as people expressed that they wished to have gotten to know Robert, the Washington Post reported.
“Clarendon is a town of 2,000 people,” Charles told the outlet. “I knew a lot of people would love it, but I was shocked when it really started to blow up.”
Jokes aside, however, Charles took the opportunity to address the isolation his father had dealt with in the final months of his life since his wife passed — and the loving care that locals offered.
“When I tried to get him some mental health help, he admitted to me he was scared and wanted me there with him,” said Charles.
“We all visited him when we could, and the good people of Clarendon looked in on him and helped him out a lot. But it was hard for him looking at my mom’s empty chair, and I’m 600 miles away.”
Now, Charles wants to use the punchline-filled obituary to raise awareness that his father is one of many who have faced loneliness in their senior years.
“I’d have to say if I want anything to come from all of this, it’s for people everywhere to support the mental health of people in little rural towns,” he said.
“They go there to retire, then when they’re old, their kids scatter and they end up alone. A lot of people slip through the cracks.”
As for Robert’s final arrangements, the Boehms encouraged funeralgoers “to dust off whatever outdated or inappropriate combination of clothing you have available to attend.
“A tip jar will be available in the front; flowers are also acceptable.”
