DEAR ABBY: With no discussion, my husband decided to retire two years ago. He said he would just take Social Security and we’d be fine. He failed to take into account that he was underage for Medicare, and all of his dental and medical bills would become my responsibility since I’m still working. Luckily, I convinced him to leave SS alone, and to roll his 401(k) into an IRA.
There have been bumps. He spent several months sitting all day long unless I asked him to do something specific. I finally put my foot down, and he’s now responsible for evening meals, cleanup and laundry. Unfortunately, he does little beyond that. Most of our conversations begin with, “I watched a video today …”
Abby, I have been working since I was 13, and I’m tired of working, too. I find myself angry and jealous of my husband’s laziness. I have started eating and drinking more than I used to, and we have no sex life. I have no energy to garden, go out after work or do anything on the weekends.
Any ideas about how to rid myself of the jealousy? I think if I could do that, I’d start to feel better about the rest. — WORKING GIRL IN TEXAS
DEAR WORKING GIRL: Although you identify your problem as “jealousy,” I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it. Some classic symptoms of depression are ones that you listed in your letter — exhaustion, losing interest in things you used to enjoy, lack of energy, overeating, drinking, etc.
It’s time to consult your doctor about these symptoms, as well as the fact that you have now been forced to carry more responsibility in your marriage. You may need counseling or medication, and your doctor can refer you to someone who can provide them.
It also wouldn’t hurt to encourage your husband to get out of the house and exercise his brain and talents by volunteering in the community. If nothing else, it would enable him to bring more interesting dialogue into your conversations. Exposure to people with other interests and opinions could stimulate him, and you.
DEAR ABBY: I need advice about people who are dishonest. I have been to several baseball games and wrestling events where people paid for lower-priced seats but then sat in the more expensive seats. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me. However, I feel this is unfair.
I want to say something to the staff, but I don’t want to be “that” person who causes trouble. When my boyfriend and I buy the cheaper seats, that is where we sit. It’s the right thing to do. How do I stop letting the actions of others disturb me? — HONEST IN WISCONSIN
DEAR HONEST: I heard a line in a play years ago that stuck with me. It was written by Voltaire, and it goes, “Cultivate your own gardens.” To me, it means concentrate less on what others are doing and more on the standards by which I live my own life.
You have every right to be disgusted when you see people cheating. But allowing it to become a preoccupation is a distraction, and it only lessens your own good time. (Cross your fingers and hope the folks who bought those seats show up and embarrass the cheaters.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
