DEAR ABBY: I am 36 years old. When I was 30, I was engaged to a man who was 50. He was the only man I have ever been deeply in love with. He died unexpectedly from a heart attack, and I am still traumatized. I often relive that day in my mind. We were so deeply in love.
After that loss, I don’t see how anyone can ever compare to that. We were so comfortable with each other. He was gone too soon, and I cannot get past the pain. How do I move on, or will I ever? — SAD SURVIVOR IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SURVIVOR: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your fiance. You may need to talk with a therapist or join a grief support group to help you with the trauma of his death. Once you have done that, start socializing. If you open yourself to new relationships, you may meet someone with whom you are also comfortable and can trust.
I remember, years ago, a friend of my mother who was widowed twice and in a long-term relationship after that. One day, she commented, “I can’t get over it. My husbands were each so different!” What she meant was each relationship was different, but they were all loving and enjoyable. With luck, this may happen for you as well if you allow it. You are still a young woman and have your life ahead of you. It is within your power to make it a happy one.
DEAR ABBY: I find myself increasingly less patient with my oldest brother and older sister. They lie incessantly about things they have accomplished, always making themselves out to be the best. It frustrates me to hear them say things that are not true.
For example, while dining in a restaurant, my brother told a group of guys that he was a Top Gun instructor. In reality, he retired in the Air Force, NOT the Navy. My sister claims she paid 100% of her college expenses, even though my parents actually paid two or three years of her tuition, room and board.
My husband says I should let it go because I see them only a few weeks a year. I don’t want to spend time with them because of their ridiculous stories. What is the best response when they say things that are simply not true? — CRINGING IN COLORADO
DEAR CRINGING: A way to deal with this would be to take your siblings aside individually and ask privately why they feel the need to do this. Tell them it makes you uncomfortable when you hear them lie, and that they will be seeing even less of you if they continue doing it in your presence.
DEAR READERS: This is my timely reminder for all of you who live where daylight saving time is observed: Don’t forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. Sunday. I look forward to it each year because it signals longer, brighter days and warmer weather. I find the extra light to be a mood elevator and an energizer. Spring has almost sprung! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
